Dear White People

Dear White People, 

This is a moment. This is THE moment. I must warn you first: if you are unwilling to practice radical listening and silence any impulse to say “but what about…,” this is not for you.

I am a biracial (black/white) Texan who grew up in a predominantly white community. I built my life around accomodation and apology. It was how I survived. It looked like this: do you need me to ignore that veiled racist comment? Okay, I’ll do that. Do you need me to ignore your microaggression against me and pretend it’s all good? Sure, I’ll do that too. I have given and given and given and the cost has been my sense of self and my belief in my worthiness. Who am I if I’m not the person who makes you feel comfortable in my presence? I was always in service of your comfort over mine.

The journey to self has been long and winding but the tipping point has arrived. The same is true for this country we call America. The blatant and horrific murder of George Floyd in broad daylight has led to a reckoning for me personally and for this nation.

My reckoning means that I no longer prioritize the comfort of others above my own. It means that I honestly talk about my blackness. It has been the most powerful process of my life and it has been accompanied by deep pain and sadness. I have felt the anguish of silence as some members of my white family have not responded to a letter I sent about my feelings on this. I have felt a sense of loss that echoes the despair of a community that has been ignored for far too long.

America’s reckoning is unfolding before our very eyes and it is ugly and beautiful. We see firsthand how our government deploys its strength to avoid any real accountability or acknowledgement of the deep systemic failures it has perpetrated. To this point, the only concession has been the arrest of Derek Chauvin. Unbelievably, the travesties keep coming from a government sanctioned autopsy that is deeply insulting to a lack of arrests of the other officers to a president who inflames and escalates with responses like “we must dominate the protesters.”

However, we have also seen solidarity from across the globe. We have watched cities well beyond Minneapolis raise their voices in outrage. We have seen white citizens willing to put themselves between black protesters and police. We have seen sheriffs willing to put down their weapons and march with protestors. 

Please hear me when I say this is the most urgent moment of our lifetime and we MUST all contribute to changing systemic and institutional racism. It is incumbent on everyone to do their part, from making donations to posting on social media to doing personal educational work to joining protests.

In addition, this is the time for radical listening. By that, I mean that it’s time to find teachers who will challenge you and you must, I repeat, you must be willing to listen and listen only. Populate your social media feed with voices far wiser than mine. It is time (beyond time) to amplify the voices of black women. I promise you they are the ones who are equipped to guide the way. May I suggest: EbonyJanice, Monique Melton, Rachel Cargle, Layla F. Saad and Austin Channing Brown.

I realize that it might feel conflicting to both listen without speaking but also speak out. Let me clarify: listen to black women without centering yourself or your feelings in any way AND speak out in whatever way you can to denounce racism in all forms. It is time to be anti-racist. 

And finally, I leave you with this nugget. Thanks to the unerring and life-changing guidance of my life coach, I began the practice of mirror work. It is simple. I look myself in the eyes and repeat the affirmations that my soul needs to hear. The following has been deeply profound and I believe ushered in my courage to finally claim my self. I hope you find it useful.

I choose the less traveled path and resist seeking out familiarity and the illusion of security.

May this be how we move forward as individuals and as a society--willing to endure what is hard to get us to something better.

In solidarity and hope,

Nichole